The room was cold, the vague light reflecting from freshly fallen snow through drawn blinds and curtains, just enough to show the vague signs of occupation. Nothing was really unpacked, just stacked haphazardly throughout the room. Meanwhile, a figure sat alone, staring at closed blinds, contemplating the next day’s weather and trying to decide if her blinds should be adjusted to allow in sunlight.
But that involved moving about the room, and she just wasn’t quite in the mood for that yet. Time had not been available to make this room her own, nor had the weather been kind enough to make it easy to gather the few things she required to do so. A baleful glare was sent out the cracks of the blinds, before her head dropped back to the wall, eyes closing as she sighed.
“I did not expect this…” The voice startled her into opening her eyes. Her first thought was of the locked door, and windows. Her second of recognition. And her third of impossibility. “To find you wallowing here…what has become of the woman I knew?”
“…I…” She took a breath, watching as he stood smirking at her with his arms crossed over his chest. Just like the last time they had spent any time together. Before they said goodbye. “I wish I knew…”
“You never spoke like that for me.” He murmured, moving to crawl up onto the bed beside her, slumping against her as a hand found her own. “I do not believe this place agrees with you.”
“Nowhere does.”
“Who are you, and what have you done with the woman I knew?” He chuckled a bit, but when she turned her head to look up at him, never lifting it from the wall, his amusement turned into a frown. “…you are not playing.”
“No.” She let out a sigh, turning her face away again, eyes closing once more. It was hard enough to admit this to herself, and she had to say it out loud…if only to a figment of her imagination. “I don’t know who I am anymore. I’m just like I was before I left, though less messed up by being embroiled in lies. I…I found myself, and now I’ve lost it and I don’t know what to do.”
“Find it again.”
“I don’t know how. I don’t know how I did it in the first place.” She smiled a little, leaning back. “You helped, I think. You, along with a few others in my journey, reminded me that I only have this life to myself for certain. We don’t know what comes next, and so I need to stop fighting life and just live.”
“Others?” He scoffed, nudging her head with his own. “I thought I was special. So special you kept your mouth shut about me. Did you keep these others quiet, too?”
“Yes…” She grinned as he made an offended noise. “You were my friend, I made you all on my own…along with several others. I told you about them, you arrogant -”
“Arrogant?”
“…you’re a figment of my imagination, you could at least be fluent to help me.” She whispered, closing her eyes as she felt tears rising up. “You’ll fade away soon enough regardless, and I’ll struggle to finding myself, finding what triggers my poison and what my joy, alone.”
“…you are never alone.” He murmured. “Wasurenaide…”
She nodded, sighing as her head dropped back, and she looked at the empty space beside her. She had friends, she could name many of them. But how many could see the difference? The person she had become was the person she was before she ever left, and very few recognized that this was not exactly the healthiest soul in a body.
To be honest, it was more this strange shattered black glass that was stabbing outward at random. And though it had not been so for a time – such a short time, to mean so much – it was right back to normal. The ones she knew could see it were too disturbed or damaged by it to help.
She flopped over, scowling slightly.
“I love this place. But I want to be back there…where I was healthy…”
